Maa says I have beautiful eyes. She dabs them fully with kohl. My sister-in-law praises, "The black kohl on your fair cheeks; the black kohl on your white eyes - how adorable and glowy are they."
True that my eyes are big and beautiful, but what's the point - that Ramu has eyes as small as the leaves of tamarind leaves, I am ten years old and so is he. In fact, I am ten days older than him. But, I haven't seen even a portion of the wonders he has seen in our town. The other day, there was a huge fight in the street. I ran out of the house and stood there watching, among the crowd. Out of nowhere my brother appeared and dragged me into the house.
"How did you, being a girl, without any fear stand in that ruckus?", said Maa,"my heart is terrified just by hearing those voices". "I wasn't afraid", said I, only to invite more scoldings and anger. My brother loves the cowardice his wife. It makes him happy. He frightens her and laughs heartily when she recedes. She too is no less in her cowardice. Every other minute she shuts her eyes in fear, saying that she is scared. Even after a few pleas to open her eyes and see that nothing is wrong, she hardly dares to do so. She too has big beautiful eyes, but she likes keeping them shut for most of the time.
When we take a walk in the street, both Maa and my sister-in-law do not raise their heads at all. They stick their eyes to the ground. Is there anything more worth watching on the ground than around the streets? Even if there was, for how many ages do we have to see the same old ground? They miss all those vibrant views of the streets. Maa in turn, scolds me. "Why do you stare around? Walk with your head low and look only at the ground," she would say knocking me on my head. Oh, God! I can not walk that way. If I don't look around the street, how can I ever know anything. Will Ramu who roams all day and all night on streets, would consider me? But he too doesn't know many things. He doesn't know that it is enough for women to see just a few things, not all. But Maa knows all this very well. It seems we should not look at our own bodies exploringly. Maa gets paranoid about those looks. According to her, we should not see or stare at men, especially in our growing years. Now, I have been playing with Ramu, but after two years, I am not supposed to. Then, if I spot him anywhere, I should walk away into the house. If I see him on the street, I should not look at him directly, but only raise my eyes without lifting my head. Padmakka, who is our neighbour does just the same. When I asked her why does she see things that way, she explained that such kind of looks adds elegance and beauty. But, I am still not capable of throwing such looks at others. I don't know when will I learn it. Ramu can never get it, even with his best efforts.
Tears should be ready in a girl's eyes, it seems, to flow out. The other day, Maa was complaining about our neighbour that she is stone-hearted and never sheds a tear. According to Maa, women should keep their tears on the hand, should they be needed. I get anger, but not tears. Whenever I am scolded I get angry. But in the case of my sister-in-law, she gets hurt and cries. It's then that my brother calms down and asks her to stop crying. But she still cries her eyes out. Whenever my brother and she have a fight, it is her who always cries, but never my brother. The same is the case with Maa and Paa, it is always Maa who should cry. But I don't like crying, it makes my beautiful eyes lose its sheen. And, it spreads the kohl all over my face. I swear I am never going to cry.
Whatever we see, we should not react, it seems. Whenever I see a basket of mangoes in Paa's hands I feel like jumping with joy, but I am not supposed to. Till the mangoes make it to my plate, I should not be excited, as per Maa's dictum. I should eat them only then with proper composure. I ask, what is the point of seeing my favourite mangoes, without jumping of happiness?
Also, I should not shout when I see anything that angers me. It happened one day that, while Kalyanakka was returning from college, a boy fell down from his bicycle and couldn't get up. There was no one around in the street. So, she helped the boy get up and stationed his cycle by a pole. She helped him jerk his leg to lose the spasm. The uncle who lives next door watched all this and told Kalyanakka's father his own version. Her father beat her, saying that how can she hug a stranger on the road. When she told what had happened, he shouted, "Why didn't you simply walk off rather than doing all this social service?" He too was my uncle, but I stopped answering to him after this incident.
When we see something, we should respond, right? If not, what is the use of seeing it? If it is same to see and not see, then what is the point of even seeing? If I say so, Maa only asks me to shut up. My eyes should be shut. And my mouth should be shut.
Once, my brother's colleague visited us; her laugh was adorable. But it is a surprise that she didn't have either the dot on her forehead(Bindi) or kohl in her eyes, yet she was beautiful. All the time she was with us, she was smiling brightly. But Maa and my sister-in-law didn't like her. Without a Bindi and a chain around her neck, her face looked sluttish it seems. I asked her again and again,"Maa, is she really not beautiful?" She said, "I felt she looked disgusting without a Bindi - I can't admire a woman's face without it." When I grow up, will my eyes too become like Maa's? In that case, I won't be able to see a thing.
"Why do only your eyes see all kinds of things?" asks Maa. But to Maa, nothing is visible. What less is visible too is none of her concern. Why do women's eyes behave like this?
