Bouncing Back

I have moved on. Gone are those days when I used to wait for someone who would never turn up. Now I no more need you, let alone waiting for you. Now I have many new friends, I met new people made them my dearest pals just to forget you and forget to miss you. The tears have dried. The pain is killed. Sudden mood springs are over. The memories are erased. Now I am what I once used to be. But this time stronger. Stronger enough not to allow anyone come closer to me.
                  I still remember those nights when the tears rolled out of my eyes for no reason. I knew the number of times I controlled my tears from rushing out and hid my face from my loved ones. How hard I tried to conceal my grief when they figured out something was wrong with me. The number of lies I told them just to make them feel I'm alright. Now neither I need to lie nor tell the truth about you, you are no more in my life. I still remember those hard days when the wind used to dry the tears on my cheeks. But now the same breeze brushes my hair on to my face leaving a smile on my face. How wildly I searched the roads when I passed by your area expecting to see you, even though I know you are the only and the most busy person in my life.

                  The number of times I cried when you were not happy and I was not there by you to make you smile, while you never approached me for any solace. May be you thought I was not strong enough to give you strength. Instead you went to your so-called-friends. But whenever I was in such a situation I thought of no one but you, only you could make me normal. Stupid I was to think all that.

                  I used to tell my problems I had with you to my friends to reduce the agony and to get some advises from them. I was not in a position to support my own thoughts. I fell to that extent because of you. But now I Rule and I rule right, because I have seen what is wrong through you.

                  Every time my cell buzzed, I always expected you. But it was never you. God !! you were my life. I had nothing in which you were not involved. But now my cell floods with messages, good wishes from the people who care about me. By the way, your number is no more in my contacts , as if I care.

                  How many times I felt lost to you. I was not my usual whenever I was with you. The 'Me' you have seen neither anyone else is gonna see nor I am gonna show. What all I am changed to complete opposite when I was with you. I accepted it with a sweet smile. But you saw it as my defeat. But now I won, I won by rejecting you.

                 I know how I told the weird things which I hated the most just to see you laugh and which was in turn to see me smiling. But now I don't even remember your face, save your smiling face. I used to search every face that passed across me with the hope that I might find you. Even now I do see people that but just because I admire beauty and that doesn't mean I'm in search for a new someone.

                The places I went with you, the movies we saw together, the songs we sang for each other once reminded me of you. But now they are long-gone memories. Now I have beautiful moments with the people who love me, rather than the sore memories of the one I once loved. I took up different hobbies, responsibilities just to make myself busy, just to keep my mind away from you. Now I hardly remember you. You are gone.

               I heard all the sad songs that ever existed on this earth. I waited for you to sing those Akon's songs saying that it was your mistake. But now I love Akon more than I loved you because he at least understood the value of  girl's heart. Anyways, you are nowhere near my thoughts. I have thrown you out of my mind. I put my family and friends on the top now.You are past. A past that never existed in my life.
              I have moved on, that doesn't mean I found someone else to love. What it meant is why do I need someone I love, when there are many who love me. This is what is called moving on. God !! you made my world so small, which was surrounded by you and your thoughts. I came to know that the world is actually so big and bigger are the problems of others. Mine are just nothing.

        If you think that I have tears in my eyes putting all these feelings into words, then you are thinking wrong. All I feel now is satisfaction that its over, the waiting is over and so did the pain.

The Road To My Destination

People change and so their views and tastes. But ambitions and goals always remain the same. At least that is what I thought, until I grew up. But for all those who think 'Change is the essence of life', this is a simple example. And I humbly leave it to you to decide if my story goes with the famous adage or against it.

When I was 2 years old, I used to bicker, argue, fight with my own people. I used to talk and tell endless stories like no one of my age did. Seeing this, everyone said I would make a perfect lawyer. And so, I grew up behaving like I'm-a-gonna-be-lawyer.

When I was 5, I played the most favorite 'Teacher Game' with my fellow mates. I would always become the teacher and make my friends act as students. With a stick held in my hand and a chunni draped around my tiny torso, I would look like a kid possessed by 50 year old. In this get-up I would call myself Miss Monica. People said I was born to become a teacher. I felt flattered. As time passed, my students disappeared. And my addiction to teaching took time to end and mean while, the walls promised to become by students.

                                                           DREAMS UNLIMITED....:) 

At 10, one fine day I was walking with my mom on the road. I saw a pamphlet of an institute which teaches computer courses like Java and others. I pointed and showed it to my mom with an expression of achievement. With the innocent unawareness of the Engineering boom I said,  "I m gonna do Java". My mom laughed loudly and said that Java means malt and teased me "Are you gonna make java?". I corrected her saying, "I m going to study Java". My mom smiled at my confidence.

Years passed. Like Katrina Kaif always said that was just a trailer, the movie has started just now. Gone were those days when I wanted to become what people visualized me as. Now is the time I decided that I m going to become a doctor. And also to my support is the astrologer on the Necklace Road. But as I reached my higher school I started hating Science and Biology, being more specific the teachers of those subjects.

I am a maths freak. Yes, till date I am. So I took up MPC as my Intermediate course. Without much struggle cleared it and joined in an Engineering college, not just an ordinary college but the best one in the city (forgot to mention a college just for women). My life completely changed after that. I knew as I stepped into the college this is where I belong to. This was never in my wish list. It need not be. What matters is whether I am happy or not. As I checked the syllabus, in one of the semester, I found Java as my core subject. My happiness knew no bounds at that moment. That was one of my childhood dreams and I declare, the only one that is fulfilled. I slowly started liking my course. And thus my goal was set. This time a firm one. I decided I am gonna work for a company where I can implement the subject I studied here. This is gonna be my destination, I told myself. I dreamt of it, dreamt of it all the four years. And yes, I achieved this dream. Its only later that I came to know it was more of my parents dream than mine.

Dreams may or may not change. But our desire to fulfill them must always remain the same.

The Road of Relations

Yesterday, I was walking on the road. Not that this is the first time I am walking, but it is very rare for me to come out at 7 in the morning. I didn't know the day starts so early for many people, maybe I live in my own world. Its really surprising to see what all that happens during these early mornings. I saw small groups of beggars (many may feel this as an inappropriate word, but a substitute won't change the meaning) sitting, probably with their families or friends, having a hearty chit-chat. They were sharing that little food, they held preciously in their hands bought at the places where I as a student with limited-preserved pocket-money used to go. Every time I give a coin to a beggar, I had named the feeling I see in their faces as Happiness. But now realised that was just gratefulness. Happiness is what I saw in their eyes when they are with their loved ones. But the question is which of these two feelings is of prime importance. This is yet another doubt added to the humongous number of confusions in my life.

Then I saw a young couple walking hand in hand. The guy was on a call and the girl was busy selecting songs in her iPod. Initially, I assumed that to be just another example of our modern life. They were together only physically and were walking being each engaged with their own self. The next moment the girl placed one of the earphones in her partner's ears and smiled warmly. The guy smiled back with the look that said I am-happy-to-have-you-by-my-side and responded quickly by hanging up his cell. This small incident taught me the meaning of perfect understanding. It is giving our mates their own space and at the same time not giving them a chance to miss you.

I took a turn from that road and headed in a different direction. But it's only later that I came to know that it was not just a turn, but a twist. I saw a half-naked woman, around 50 lying on the footpath shouting in the language of pain and only pain. I saw a dosa bandi here too, only that the bandi had no customers. He reduced the rate and increased the size of dosa. But for no use. I saw a lovely couple, the guy was trying to catch up with the girl walking ahead of him, trying to talk, maybe convince. But for no use. A college student who missed his bus, tried painfully hard to catch it. But for no use. This is it I thought, that turn there was the end of Road Of Relations.

As the time passed by few minutes and my walk crossed by few kilometres, the road became busy with some students rushing to their colleges, some waiting for their buses, eyes on cell, fingers punching the keypad and a smile on face. People appeared to carry an I am-all-geared-up aura around them. Yes, they were employees both white-collared and blue. The chai-wala has already started serving his customers-cum- dearest friends.The dosa stall uncle was putting up a tent before his bandi, the chai-wala was helping him and people have already started flooding.