Campus 2 Corporate

The sun used to rise with me, but there were days when I didn't even see the sun light. Now, I sit here in this garden. As always being very specific about my seat, I chose a bench that gave me the least view of humans, because I am myself disturbed and I am in no mood to see more around me. In the garden, I see an open piece of land between checkered slabs, planted with saplings which are supposed to catch up quickly in this season. And to my shock most of them are dried, with dropped leaves and drooped branches, lifeless and ready to be plucked out and replaced. A few though, are vibrant with life and full of energy, probably, by draining others’ of their assets. Oh, yes, the corporate culture.  

If a bunch of strangers are made to have lunch together for a few years, they may end up either friends or enemies. But if a bunch of professionals are put in the same situation, they end up with a relation that is a little more than anonymity and a lot less than familiarity. Here, we can make very few friends and lose many more. Yes, I have experienced. There will be a variety of awkward situations, one ends up saying thanks to the same person he/she said sorry a few minutes ago, smiling at the same person one shouted on the previous day, and an eternal cold war. Even after having Corporate Culture's rules and manners neatly scraped everywhere in the office campus, I see people who use the time during meetings more effectively by browsing what lingers in their mouths post-lunch and picking noses, of course their own. The first half of the corporate life goes in understanding what is expected of you and the second half goes in digesting the same.

Simply, what appears weird to me and unique to people already settled here, is put into a phrase “Corporate Culture”.

Life was different back then, when I was not a part of this so called culture. The thoughts in my mind ran like this.

In spite of having a cell phone and novel always in my hands, I still had place to hold an ice cream on the way back home from college. Now I have both my hands free but no energy. I used to love rain, but not now. Because the only way I can enjoy it now, is through a glass window. I am brought into an understanding that I will be no more in a presentable way now here, if I enjoy rain in my own way.   

I feel every job on the way to my present-destination seems more than right for me. I see in people’s eyes the love for their job. A gardener cuts grass with utmost care, a soldier loves a country more than himself, a doctor cares for others’ life just like his own, a salesman explains the beauty of the product, making people realize having it would be a wonderful feeling.

I see many stars in my office, many more stars than one can see in the sky. Here is how it happens, the always-on lights on the ceiling of the office gets reflected in the few fortunate glass-panes which are unveiled of their shutters.

Everyone thinks, I am waiting to cross the road, but actually I want to cross the road, break the rules, change the juvenile society, climb the ladder and reach out to the sky, the sky with actual stars.

The mosquitoes remind me of the dirt I can write about, the crowd reminds of population, the traffic about pollution, huge buildings about so-called development, but here I am surrounded by things about which I can only rant about, but not write.

VERSATILE WINDOW

Window reminds me of my childhood days. In every person I see outside the window, I see myself. I see a 2- year old cute kid sitting on dad s bike, a 5-year old girl on the way to school, a 10-year child trying to ride a bicycle, a 15-year old unstably walking teenager, a tired-of-life expression on a woman s face and loads of traffic and pollution, of course.

As there is a Green House Effect, a Butterfly Effect, The Raman Effect, so there is a Window Effect which we have seen in “Chudalani Undi“. As Indian movies have not left anything untouched, so did they touch the concept of window in “Padosan”. There by, making it emphatic enough to be the reason for love.

Every other thing and every other person I see outside the window grabs my attention, confirming that the child in me is still alive though the human in me is dead long ago. Many times I feel the time should stop or at least hope the cab should a bit slow. The time may go slow or sometimes may even stop, but the cab does neither of them.

Some eyes meet with mine and continue till the scene passes. The language of eyes is esoteric, not all know it. I try to figure out the story in those eyes, the hidden meaning, the tired look, the reason for smile (FYI the world has changed; now even for smiling we need a reason). But few eyes just have a blank expression, leaving me in confusion whether my boring life spreads just through my sight, even without my physical presence?

Looking at some scenes outside the window I regret for not being there, may be I regret for being here. Seeing outside through the window, which protects me from the sun and the rain, I feel I am blessed, blessed for the pressure that’s putting up inside me. May be the outsiders are better blessed than I am. After all drenching in rain is better than drenching in sweat because of stress.

Only the stupidest miss a chance to open the window. It puts me to sleep in a way which even the night needs to learn. The view a window gives of a movie poster, neither does the promo nor does the movie itself.

Even though the life outside appears moving, it is we who are actually moving, moving with the speed of light, not knowing the barriers that lay ahead.

An open window can heal anything. The cool breeze from the window sweeps away the tired expressions from my face. As I pass the air blows coolly at some places and hotly at others, just like my mood this too is unstable. It is not mistake of the breeze (not mine too) but of the surroundings.

The view from a skyscraper shows all other beings smaller, giving you the pseudo superiority complex from its muchiness. People compare broken heart with broken glass, as if a complete glass resembles a happy heart. May be the one who phrased this thought felt human heart is as transparent as the glass. But we all know what the truth is.

The cleaners of these windows hang from great heights trying to clean an imperfect 3-inch thick, unbreakable glass, making the lilliput life outside clear and blurring my own life.  I can see the trees moving, but the wind can’t reach me, I can see people laughing, but the sound can’t reach me, I can it raining outside, but the drops can’t reach me, I can see kids dancing, but the music can’t reach me (that is why I call it imperfect), may be it is me who can’t reach out to them (may be the imperfect is I am).

While the window of the cab shows a lively life, the window of this skyscraper shows a stagnant life. The life I see outside the window of a vehicle is what I miss in a glass-paned building and in my own life because my mind is shut in an opaque window.

Girls are Girls!!

This post is the outcome of inner outrage caused by the MCPs(Google it) in and around my life.This para specially, lists the people keeping whom in my mind I wrote this post. I don't dedicate this to them. They obviously don't deserve it. And the list starts with those who have misconceptions or their own definitions about girls. They blame the entire clan of girls just because they don’t like one or two or many or may be all. Guys have their so called man-time, where everyone shares his own story. And to the end, they all come to a less-of-conclusion and more-of-judgement out of anger on girls and sympathy for their friends. And for all those Mr. Perfects or at least they think so.And for those whose blood boil when they hear "My persuasion can build a nation" from Beyounce's Who run the World. To all those who laugh with all the sarcasm on the earth, when women is the topic. To all those who feel listening to women singers, reading women writers as a disgrace to their machismo. To all those who like tag themselves and their friends in pics that appear fun to them and disgusting to others. To all those who create groups like "Just For Men" and post pics that make an helpless attempt to prove the worthlessness of women, but by posting those fake pics what actually they prove is their own stupidity. Like I love writing about women, so do they. But the difference is I support women and they do the exact inverse. Movies are made, comedy is spun, messages are forwarded, words are exchanged, stories are written to show women as worthless beings. If this is the case, then it obviously changes the meaning of worthlessness. Being a girl I feel it is my responsibility to make clear the misunderstood feelings of girls and try help them open up their eyes.
       Being a girl is the best part of my life. Girls are dads little angels. They are born as a boon to their parents. Only a woman knows how happy she is for having a baby girl. Because she now has a soul-mate. Only a daughter can understand what it feels like being a woman. Not a son.

       A girl demands a sorry only from her father even for a silly reason and the next person she demands that would be her beloved. 
       People say that girls make issue of almost everything. Can anyone please define what exactly “almost everything” is. Remember the girl who now opposed you, will be a future mother who has the ability to mould children.

       Many say girls don’t use brains. Yes, very true. Because they use their heart. Neither have they brains nor do they use them when something related to their loved ones is involved. I heard many guys say girls are crazy. They are crazy to skip their food and cry for ages when they have a fight with someone they love like life.

       Girls are jealous. Perfectly said. They get jealous only when they don’t get the love and importance they deserve. They know where they stand. Obviously, a girl doesn’t get jealous of Katrina Kaif because her hubby is her big fan. The reason is, she knows she is his life and not Katrina.

       Girls are selfish, it seems. They sacrifice anything and everything for an unknown someone. By the way, here I can define what is “anything and everything”. Everything means her sweet home, family, her room, bed, importantly her lifestyle. Anything means her sacrifice has no limits. And it includes issues as important as her career, goals, and ambitions. When is the meaning of sacrifice changed to selfish??

       A girl wanna look special not to the whole world but just for the one she loves. Girls talk too much. But to everyone else in their life, just to you. They spend loads of time shopping because they always want the best. They are never tired of waiting for the best. By the way if a guy is a friend to any girl, it’s not just by chance. But by choice. By her choice.
       Once I read a message saying, “A girl loves too many and a guy loves too much”. Yup, a girl loves even her family, friends and of course her lover. And a guy, loves a girl ignoring everyone around him to such a great extent that he finds solace only in slicing her throat right in the middle of a city road or by throwing acid on her face. This simply emphasizes on the fact that guys are jealous to let their love live her life with someone she likes. And the gory incidents of killing his beloved partner and then himself, quoting the reason as "Death at the same time in this life, helps them mingle together in next life." How shameful and stupid on their part. 

                                                              This is what a girl is... 

                                       
       This is how we girls are. Always a sweet heart. First to dad, then to brother, husband, and son. We gossip, we laugh loudly, we talk non-stop.We rule many lives, we guide, we mould, we love, we learn, we adjust, we regret, we forget, we shout, we fight. We exaggerate things because excitement is in our blood. We expect replies even for forward messages. We crack jokes for which no one laughs. After all, we are what we are. So, stop complaining and start loving!!

*Point to be noted "Exceptions always exist"

Maturity ??

Maturity doesn't come with age. No one ever told me what behaving like a matured person is. But they often expect me to. There are lessons which life teaches. And its modus operandi is crude. It teaches only through practicals. A 21-year girl in me wrote this article. 

Experiences have their own impact on our thoughts and impacts the progress of our life. So, my experiences gave me the following definitions of maturity.

Maturity is 

• When your friend calls you on your birthday, talks about the time you spent together, reminds those beautiful moments of your life and hangs up without wishing you and you smoothly convince your heart that your dearest friend was just busy and so forgot your birthday.
• When your friend gets more marks than you in exams, even though both of you studied together and you soothed your tiny heart that s/he is a hard worker.
• When you learn to rub your anger over one person on to another just because you love the former more than the latter. But when you'll never have time to shower or to think how to the love the ones who care for you.
• When your friend reveals your secrets to others and you explain to yourself that he/she was just being frank, open to others and trying to maintain the relationship with others just like how you're trying to get close to him/her.
• When you get a job and you start ruling your parents.
• When you wipe all your previous memories and simply, tell yourself "Move On".
• When you smile to the outside world, hiding all the pain inside your heart and behaving as if you have a perfect life.
• When you survive without your Mom by your side during sickness.
• When you don't feel overwhelmed by your victory or don't take it to your heart when you lose.
• When you bury your feelings within yourself saying, "I don't expect anything" and every time you say that your heart truly knows what it needs. But others wouldn't know and even you wont let them.
• When your heart breaks into hundreds of pieces, not just once, but many times and you try to heal it all by yourself, without letting your loved ones know about it.
• When you bring up your children by forcing them to achieve your dreams saying the universal dialog, "I don't want your life to become like mine."

If this is what is called Maturity, then I will proudly say "I'm not matured." Also, maturity is negating the adage "History repeats" and proving that you won't let it repeat. This is called "Learning from Experiences."

Bouncing Back

I have moved on. Gone are those days when I used to wait for someone who would never turn up. Now I no more need you, let alone waiting for you. Now I have many new friends, I met new people made them my dearest pals just to forget you and forget to miss you. The tears have dried. The pain is killed. Sudden mood springs are over. The memories are erased. Now I am what I once used to be. But this time stronger. Stronger enough not to allow anyone come closer to me.
                  I still remember those nights when the tears rolled out of my eyes for no reason. I knew the number of times I controlled my tears from rushing out and hid my face from my loved ones. How hard I tried to conceal my grief when they figured out something was wrong with me. The number of lies I told them just to make them feel I'm alright. Now neither I need to lie nor tell the truth about you, you are no more in my life. I still remember those hard days when the wind used to dry the tears on my cheeks. But now the same breeze brushes my hair on to my face leaving a smile on my face. How wildly I searched the roads when I passed by your area expecting to see you, even though I know you are the only and the most busy person in my life.

                  The number of times I cried when you were not happy and I was not there by you to make you smile, while you never approached me for any solace. May be you thought I was not strong enough to give you strength. Instead you went to your so-called-friends. But whenever I was in such a situation I thought of no one but you, only you could make me normal. Stupid I was to think all that.

                  I used to tell my problems I had with you to my friends to reduce the agony and to get some advises from them. I was not in a position to support my own thoughts. I fell to that extent because of you. But now I Rule and I rule right, because I have seen what is wrong through you.

                  Every time my cell buzzed, I always expected you. But it was never you. God !! you were my life. I had nothing in which you were not involved. But now my cell floods with messages, good wishes from the people who care about me. By the way, your number is no more in my contacts , as if I care.

                  How many times I felt lost to you. I was not my usual whenever I was with you. The 'Me' you have seen neither anyone else is gonna see nor I am gonna show. What all I am changed to complete opposite when I was with you. I accepted it with a sweet smile. But you saw it as my defeat. But now I won, I won by rejecting you.

                 I know how I told the weird things which I hated the most just to see you laugh and which was in turn to see me smiling. But now I don't even remember your face, save your smiling face. I used to search every face that passed across me with the hope that I might find you. Even now I do see people that but just because I admire beauty and that doesn't mean I'm in search for a new someone.

                The places I went with you, the movies we saw together, the songs we sang for each other once reminded me of you. But now they are long-gone memories. Now I have beautiful moments with the people who love me, rather than the sore memories of the one I once loved. I took up different hobbies, responsibilities just to make myself busy, just to keep my mind away from you. Now I hardly remember you. You are gone.

               I heard all the sad songs that ever existed on this earth. I waited for you to sing those Akon's songs saying that it was your mistake. But now I love Akon more than I loved you because he at least understood the value of  girl's heart. Anyways, you are nowhere near my thoughts. I have thrown you out of my mind. I put my family and friends on the top now.You are past. A past that never existed in my life.
              I have moved on, that doesn't mean I found someone else to love. What it meant is why do I need someone I love, when there are many who love me. This is what is called moving on. God !! you made my world so small, which was surrounded by you and your thoughts. I came to know that the world is actually so big and bigger are the problems of others. Mine are just nothing.

        If you think that I have tears in my eyes putting all these feelings into words, then you are thinking wrong. All I feel now is satisfaction that its over, the waiting is over and so did the pain.